adopted, abused, betrayed.

I have been on a serious journey of self. I was an adopted child who was abandoned like yesterdays mutt who's owners decide they no longer want a dog nor the responsibility, but before they dump it, they subject it to all kinds of abuse both physical and mental. If you dare to confront them about it, you are disobeying and will be dealt with accordingly, usually by worse abuse.

I slept on the side of a free way when I was 14 because I ran away ( my foster father made living very uncomfortable coming into my bedroom late at night). I had no shoes and I went usually for days without eating. I remember going into truck stops and sitting at a table with leftover meals and pretending the previous folks just went on ahead while I gobbled the remaining scraps from their meal, stuffing the complimentary crackers into my pocket before being chased out.

This was during the late 70's and early 80's. I think the scariest was when I was forced into a car by a bunch of pimps who threatened  to slice me if I didn't get " turned out."
And they say slavery is dead, well it is not it just takes on a different form.
I ended up jumping out a motel bathroom window, again with no shoes.

Now ,I have started in the middle of my childhood side of the story and maybe that's not the best place to start.... but I was told once  just start writing and it will flow the way it should and you can redirect later, just like a dam controls the flood.  That is how I feel , flooded.  Flooded with sadness, betrayal and  having a voice that was always beaten into silence or never believed at all due to lying adults.

I was told over and over again, no one would believe me because I was bad. A stupid little slut of a girl. well if losing ones virginity by being raped at 12 makes you a slut, I suppose I fit the bill.

The best liars in the world was my adopted parents, they made sure ( well my mom did) to tell everyone of my clumsiness ( to explain the injuries), my wilfulness, and how I was a horrible child. She pretty much turned the whole family against me. That's how abusers function, they alienate you from everyone the possibly can, you feel alone, unable to bear it and the only one there is your abuser.
During this time I lived through unspeakable horrors. I will elaborate at a later date as my hands are shaking with emotion. I will need to think deeply, it is hard to weave a tapestry of evil with just plain words.